When I think of you.
I think about the time we have known each other. Compared to the course of our lives, we have only known each other for too short a time. Years of being in each other's lives, there and gone in the blink of an eye.
Yet, I think of your smile. I remember how bright your smile would be. The joy that beemed on your face, could rival the sun in all its brilliance. Now the world seems so dark. So sapped of joy, it's almost too much to bear.
But, I think of your laugh. I remember how flute like it was. It could lead the orchestra of heaven in song. It's bright and unmistakable sound as it rang across a room. I remembered how the walls would bend as your voice resounded. Now it is quiet. There is no more music. The great orchestra has been stilled, no longer to make wonderful music. It is eerie to the least.
Still, I think of your hair. A slight toss of your hair, and a storm of emotions rages in my still heart. I remember how it changed, how short it became, how it would grow back, and how it would rest on your shoulders. Now, my heart is placid. The ocean has been stilled, unroused by even the smallest of pebbles.
Still, I think of your embrace. How you would fit perfectly in these arms of mine. How your weight leaned into me, as I could barely stand due to the weightless being this close to you made me. How warm you were, and just how you would hang on for dear life. Now. Now, it is cold and lonely.
But, I think of our conversations. However shallow they may have been, they still felt genuine. I could never open myself up to you, in fear of being broken. I had consoled myself that the way things were would be fine. Because after all of this we would be off to the rest of our lives. Our futures lie ahead, and these ties that we thought so childish would hold us back, we thought to throw them aside. But, now I can't imagine a future that isn't with you in it. I see only futures of you as my friend beside me.
Yet, I think of what could have been. If I had admitted. If I had confessed these feelings I had for you. If then, it was just to hold you close for a year. a month. a week. a day, a night. To think of all the things that we could have done in our youth.
I think of you, I think of your beauty, joy, lovea and wisdom. I think of you as my equal. I think of as the sister I never had. So understanding, so open and sympathetic to plight of a simple man.
This is when I think of you. Do you think of me?